


I Just Started Living (Wondering Where You've Been All My Life)

by sweeterthankarma



Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Falling In Love, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 06:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17677787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweeterthankarma/pseuds/sweeterthankarma
Summary: While Nomi has never wanted to speak objectively for any group of people, she’s pretty sure humanity as a whole can kind of agree: the first time having sex with a new partner (or at all) is so nerve-wracking, someone should invent a stronger adjective.With Amanita, though, Nomi isn’t scared. Not at all.





	I Just Started Living (Wondering Where You've Been All My Life)

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from the song "Adore You" by Miley Cyrus.

Sex is a scary thing for Nomi Marks. 

Generally, it’s a scary thing for any trans woman, and while Nomi has never wanted to speak objectively for any group of people, she’s pretty sure humanity as a whole can kind of agree: the first time having sex with a new partner (or at all) is so nerve-wracking, someone should invent a stronger adjective. 

With Amanita, though, Nomi isn’t scared. Not at all.

Maybe that fact alone should scare her but really, being with Amanita is the easiest thing she’s ever done. Nomi doesn’t flinch when her girlfriend’s fingertips trace the hem of her jeans, smooth and gentle and not daring or asking for more, but simply touching, moving, acting as sweetly as she always seems to.

When Amanita kisses, Nomi sees stars. She sees the moon and the sun and the whole galaxy, unfolding around her lover’s touch, and it’s effortless, so much so that Nomi wonders if Amanita is even human. It occurs when they’re at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to change and Neets kisses the back of Nomi’s hand after she steals a sip of her coffee; it happens when Nomi overstays her visit at Neets’ bookstore, lingering around during her break and asking her about all the books she’s read and all the books she plans on reading. The manager comes back when she should be counting money or doing something else far less interesting, so Neets kisses her nose and then her cheek and then her lips, discreetly, before saying, “I’ll see you when I get out.” Nomi stumbles all the way out of the door, reeling like a teenager, almost knocking over a display of the newest Oprah books in the process. 

Nomi thinks this has to be what real love feels like. 

If not, she’s only just now, at twenty five years old, realizing what love feels like at all. She thought she’d been in love before, but now she’s not so sure. She doesn’t care either way, because Amanita makes her forget about anything and everyone else in the whole world. Amanita  _ is  _ the whole world now. Nomi sees it in her eyes— candlelight and cities blurring in her vision, roses in her cheeks and thorns in her teeth when she bites when she kisses, grinning and knowing of her power. Amanita is natural and fearless and she loves herself with an authenticity that Nomi tries her hardest to mirror but can never seem to fully embody. Ten years ago, that kind of honesty, showcased across her body like pride and appreciation was a matching jewelry set, would have shaken Nomi to her core, and following it herself would have been unimaginable.

But Nomi’s realizing that she’s stronger than she looks, tougher than she seems, more resilient than she thought she was, and so when Amanita lays her head in her lap, hands smoothing lazily down her legs, Nomi doesn't flinch. Instead, she just sighs in relief. 

She knows in a few minutes she’ll slip her fingers underneath her shirt, daring to touch her bare skin in a way she hasn’t before, and she knows she’ll fall deeper and harder than ever with the motion. She knows that with everything that’ll come after, Amanita will deliver and promise and give, because she’s never been one to slack on anything they’ve done so far. She knows that she isn’t afraid, that she won’t be when things escalate and the air around them grows thicker with need and trust and feeling. She knows she’ll smile and take it all in, relishing the safety and familiarity in the brand new, because Nomi knows that she won’t be scared. Not now, not ever, not with Amanita. 

**Author's Note:**

> I miss these two. Come talk to me in the comments or at my Tumblr, sweeterthankarma, about how we deserved a thousand seasons of them being happy wives.


End file.
